Why women fake orgasms?

Thanks so much for being here and your interest in intimacy of a relationship. I will explain this topic to my best ability as a Health Coach, TCM practitioner and a woman. I also have lots of experience in the faking department and it took me years to realize what is going on. The truth is we are not deficient in aphrodisiac and thus we lack ability to orgasm. Physical misalignment is possible, especially after abdominal surgery like a c-section due to overgrowth of scar tissue, yet still it is rare. Some can argue that it is lack of vitamins, minerals or herbs. And it could be true. We are all different and we all have different root causes. We women, we are not introduced to our women-hood properly. No one tells us to explore ourselves and to love the most intimate parts of ourselves. I remember as a little girl, I was very ashamed of my breasts as if it was wrong to have bigger chest. I was mocked, especially by family members and I always wore large sweatshirts to hide. Till today, I feel self-conscious about my breast, I could never receive a complement about them. Unless a woman has encouragement, protection and understanding that is passed from her mother, she may be extra shy in that department.

I see so many women unable to talk about sex as adults. I see women blush, turn red or get nervous ticks when the subject becomes too intense. Some women can’t say word pussy out loud. As if intimacy was wrong. This is especially true in religious upbringing. I was raised as a Roman Catholic and everything sex related was a sin. Yes, we are happy you are expecting your child, just the way you made it will send you to hell. This is the old school teachings, from the 80s. Again, it really depends on the congregation you belonged to. I was raised in a home where sex was taboo. Menses was taboo, kissing was taboo and so was nudity. And since childhood I was always very shy in that department. I didn’t learn about orgasms till much later in life. They were never a priority. I was raised in a family with belief that women don’t receive pleasure, but men do. Today I consider that trauma. I am reprogramming my mind to believe that I do deserve pleasure of receiving just like anyone else. I took me three years of a steady relationship to first “come”. I was surprised when I did. It was divine yet hard to achieve. It took so long because I didn’t trust men. So, what did I do before that? I faked it. My partner never asked for details, and I assumed this is what our sex life will look like forever. My orgasmic joy was not long lived. Due to emotional distress in our relationship, I was unable to come for years. And here is what I thought was happening.

At first, I blamed myself of course. Not realizing that extreme lack of trust can put your body in “freeze” mode and your muscles just won’t contract. Orgasm is so personal for a woman, she needs a deeper bond. Without that connection, she will freeze, and her man will not know. How can he?

How is our bond developed? Our emotional connection in the relationship is made during the day. It’s the little things that matter. There are two types of man. A man who takes an active part in family life, cleans up after himself, takes out the trash without being asked for it, is responsible with the children and keeps flirting and dating his wife. And there is a man who does bare minimum, which is going to work and mowing the lawn. That is it. Everything else is extreme inconvenience. An adult child. She will not want to have sex with an adult child. Women loose interest in men they
must take care of like children. Our energies are shifted. And that is all I see. Every woman I talk to. It’s like magically we said we will become their mothers in our vows. And when we stop chasing the men, they divorce us due to inability to work on their issues and heal to be a masculine partner. Without that bond we will always fake an orgasm. When we feel unsafe, threatened or neglected by our partner, we will not come. Our body will rebel. Our body always sends us a message.

Sex in marriage becomes a chore for us and we try to avoid it as much as we can. Our mind always says no and when we force ourselves, we go against our body and our own body stops trusting us. This is the beginning of disease. Yeah, autoimmunity is on the rise. Western Medicine concentrates on the physical aspect, completely avoiding the emotional conversation. So many women are single but married. I was single, married person for years. It was exhausting. It is not what I signed
up for when I was getting married, but lack of conversation got me there. From the physical perspective, the blood circulation is involved. Healthy blood circulation helps with muscle contractions and proper mineral and vitamin balance will ensure that muscles can relax. But that is only secondary to emotions. Emotions and stress shut everything down.

From Traditional Chinese Perspective, we are looking at the aspect of liver and spleen. Liver is the house of anger, and spleen is the intellect. Liver meridian regulates blood flow in the body and spleen assists in digestion, contributing to proper absorption of vitamins and minerals. When we carry unprocessed anger or resentment, our body will never allow us to relax and receive pleasure. If a woman is in a relationship with a man in his wounded masculine energy, she will overanalyze her situation and have a logical point of view, which in turn will affect the spleen. Low libido in women can be caused by many aspects. From low vitamins to emotional issues. Women fake orgasms not because we don’t want pleasure, but because we are afraid of abandonment. We
are scared that if we communicate our lack of climax, we will be rejected and replaced. And it is not us who should be replaced. Really looking at our relationship in depth and assessing whether we feel safe enough to communicate our emotions, whether we want to do the work to improve our sex life and whether our physical health is in the best form possible.

Women who live their lives in their masculine energy will have multiple issues with hormonal imbalances, for me it was PCOS. Here, I highly recommend my ebook; Embrace your Inner Goddess to understand how we lost our femininity, and we became providers. We attract men who are in their wounded masculine who act like little boys, who want to be taken care of. Our relationship becomes unbearable. Most couples stay together out of convenience, predictability or for the children. Our relationship becomes a lie. Good sex life is direct result of good relationship and commitment. Looking for another supplement will not fix your issue if you don’t feel emotional safety. Doing the work on ourselves, setting standards and practicing self- love is crucial. I used to envy men, how easy it is for them to come, it is so physical. But we women we analyze everything. A wise woman told me once, if you can come when you masturbate by yourself, you are not the problem. I didn’t believe her at first, but today I know exactly why I struggled with intimacy.

My only wish is that we stop faking and be open about it. Even if such conversation brings us enormous amount of shame. It is for our better good to communicate our needs with our partner. If you are a man, ask your woman if there is anything she needs to feel close to you emotionally. Do you make her feel safe? Once she does, she will melt in your arms and will show you true heaven. This is our feminine magic. Our pussies are magical. Our pussies are beyond understanding of this world. But without proper emotional state, we are stuck. If you are a man, are you doing bare minimum? Do you know what bare minimum is? Or is your wife beyond happy during the day and ready to receive you at night. I can assure you, if you give her queen
treatment, you will know the difference. We all can live in orgasmic cosmos, having extreme experiences of pleasure if we are committed and our communication is excellent.